I have been writing parts of this blog entry all day. Today marks four years since my total hysterectomy. That's saying a lot, considering I just turned 30. I try so hard not to dislike today, yet my emotions always seem to sneak in and get the best of me. I can't believe it's still this raw after four years. While there is certainly growth and acceptance, there will always be mourning.
I guess it's hard not to repeatedly feel the loss of not being able to bear my own children, especially with constant reminders all around me. Every other person I know is pregnant, trying to get pregnant, or recently pregnant. Who am I not to be completely happy for them? The sheer number of babies all around me is astounding - they really are little miracles, each and every one of them.
I have to remember that I am PAIN FREE. Just writing that makes me smile. Endometriosis is an evil disease, and I made a medical choice that has improved my life a hundredfold. Who knew 2 mg of estrogen would become so important to my daily existence!? I'm able to teach. I'm able to travel. I'm able to sing without pain. I'm able to LIVE my life. I literally thank God every day for my second chance!
I really do try to remember that, although I may not be able to carry children, I can still be a mother. That's an important distinction, and ultimately, what gets me through May 27th each and every year.
I guess it's hard not to repeatedly feel the loss of not being able to bear my own children, especially with constant reminders all around me. Every other person I know is pregnant, trying to get pregnant, or recently pregnant. Who am I not to be completely happy for them? The sheer number of babies all around me is astounding - they really are little miracles, each and every one of them.
I have to remember that I am PAIN FREE. Just writing that makes me smile. Endometriosis is an evil disease, and I made a medical choice that has improved my life a hundredfold. Who knew 2 mg of estrogen would become so important to my daily existence!? I'm able to teach. I'm able to travel. I'm able to sing without pain. I'm able to LIVE my life. I literally thank God every day for my second chance!
I really do try to remember that, although I may not be able to carry children, I can still be a mother. That's an important distinction, and ultimately, what gets me through May 27th each and every year.
Hi Brenda,
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to say thank you for your post and how amazingly positive you sound. I have no doubt that you are a wonderful mom to many many kids, the more so because you have some space within which to relate with them. I hope I am not sounding patronising, tht's not the intention. That spider, with you on that one - too scarey for words.
Have a good one, MM