From the Reverent to the Ridiculous

So where does one pick up after not blogging for 5 months? 

At the beginning of the story, I guess.  

Here are some highlights from along the way...

While hospitals themselves aren't all that glamorous, I will say that the chapel at Porter Hospital is mystifying, especially in the early morning hours when the sun is shining and you're all by yourself.   

Light.  Water.  Fruit.  Your basic elements of life.

What?  There's a piano, too?  With a hymnbook? 

This hospital thing is downright enjoyable!

(Enjoyable might be overstating things, but at least this squashed all thoughts 

of running out the back door and skipping the surgery altogether!)

Just kept remembering this.  

Just kept repeating this.

Just kept praying this.

How am I doing after have my EYEBALL removed?

Two thumbs up. 

(Read HOW they did this in my post, "One Moment in Time")

A familiar and comforting sight over the next month:  a friend sitting in a chair nearby helping with heaven knows what and offering laughter and support.  Stacie took the first evening shift.

Yeah, ouch.  Your scalp would feel the same way if 

it had just been flapped open for a skin graft.  Eek.

 

And the colorful patches begin. 

Mention a Pirate and I'll slap you silly.

So here I am resting at home - I'm tired and drugged from a considerable amount of pain and half-awake...yet I hear these familiar voices coming from my TV.  My choir concert from December was being aired on public television!  (As much as I couldn't stand being video-taped that night, hearing their little voices that day cheered my spirits for a bit.)

Day after day, kind people brought delicious food.

Covered in cheese.  God bless them.  And the cheese.

Not as edible, but certainly as delicious. 
So many little ones stopped by to say hello, too.
Abbey and John (and Nicola) came by to spread a little morning joy.

I've mentioned the cheese, right?

Let's just say this journey was NOT a walk in the park.

Cheese curds certainly helped.

Ooh, the tape on the face. OUCH.   Oh, the tape on the face hurt.  

And nothing like having your eyelids sewn together.
Go ahead. Shudder.

Better.  An avocado and cheese make all things better.

(as did the kind people that brought all these goodies)

Ok, we're going to try this 'going out in public' thing.

Take one guess where I went?  Amen.

And WHAM! too much, too soon. (are we surprised!?)

This tiny circle quelled the incredible dizziness and discomfort.

How fast one can fall.

Prayers across the pond:  RTG kindly lit a candle over in London 

for Cynthia and I, a dear soul and my Lenten devo partner.

This is getting old, and wearing on my spirit.

Helping.

Three cheers for Skype and sweet little ones.

 And a big hooray for a new Kindle from Mom and Dad.
Technology can be a wonderful thing!

And bright bouquets of beauty.
Non-technology can be a wonderful thing, too.

Apparently, thumbs up is the international sign for 

"Really, I'm fine."  Not so much.

Pray on. Time to rest and reflect.

And darling drawings from little visitors. 

Ok.  Things might be starting to look up.

 Unconditional love:  the fact that these two looked and played
with me as if nothing had even happened kept my hope afloat.

And then there were umbrellas in worship!
Ruth Ann helped the kiddos understand different ways to take in
a little Sabbath time during RTG's 3-month sabbatical leave.

Bold Women's Day:  If wearing that stupid patch for as long as I did, isn't bold,  I don't know what is.  Lots of great celebrations of Bold Christian women in history.

 If you can't beat 'em...Spirit Day at school.

Emma Bean and I heading over to "Peter and the Wolf",
which totally captured her musical attention.
I see lots of concerts in our future!

February 20, 2012:   It's one thing to have improvements made on a glass eye, but after a total eye removal and a month+ with that stupid patch, I just wasn't ready for the new eye in the new face. I was a wreck.  

Prayer has been a constant companion, as God's the only one who really knows what's going to happen next.  My friend Leslie (a current seminary student) and her senior church lady group over in Florida used prayer to bridge the miles on the day the new eye was being crafted.  Here's the blog entry and litany I kept with me throughout that long, long, long day:  

"A friend of mine had a rather intense day. I knew it was coming, and when I woke this morning, it was on my heart to write her a litany. Now anyone who knows me knows I have made a rather intense journey from my Pentecostal heritage to the more liturgical expressions of the Lutheranism to which I hope to be ordained. Liturgy has become my way of thinking when it comes to prayer. I think this is because I have become acutely aware of community in worship. This faith we live is very particularly ours, but it is by no means completely individual. 

-          -          -          -          -          -          -          -          -

So when I pray for another, my mind immediately turns to the community of faith. How can WE pray for one another? What are WE praying for when two or more of us gather in Christ's name before the throne of our Lord? And how do we approach the God who created the world AND loves to spend these quite moments with our feeble hearts?

-          -          -          -          -          -          -          -          -

Litanies are a beautiful way to begin. They center us in our identity as children of God coming before a loving father with praise and adoration, with honesty and truth, with as much proclamation as we can muster when our hearts may be breaking or even if they are overflowing with joy.

-          -          -          -          -          -          -          -          -

In the name of the Father, and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.  Amen

Lord you are good.

When the days are joyous and the burdens light, we proclaim it.

Lord you are good.

In days of shadow and uncertainty we proclaim it.

Lord you are good.

When the road is bumpy and we trip and fall. 

When those around us have short-sighted commentary 

on the life we live as your beloved children, we still proclaim it.

Lord you are good.

When your will seems hidden but the days march on 

and we long to know your plan in detail, we proclaim in faith,

Lord you are good.

-          -          -          -          -          -          -          -          -

Lord, your daughter Brenda stands before you today in the company of a great cloud of witnesses who testify to your goodness. Precious to you. Of interest to you. She daily proclaims with her life the grace you pour out on your creation.  Today we celebrate a step in a journey, the creation of a new eye.  

-          -          -          -          -          -          -          -          -

Creative God we celebrate your gifts of medical healing and creativity that allow a day like today to take place at all! We commit to your hands the ocularists, technicians, artists, staff and patients that will make the day unique in Brenda’s life. We lift to you any worry or care on the hearts of all these dear folk today. They are yours. Guide their thoughts, words, hands that today might bring glory to your name in unexpected ways.

-          -          -          -          -          -          -          -          -

We give you the family and friends who care about this day but are far away. Give them peace and comfort as they also commit their friend, sister, daughter, teacher, colleague…to you.

-          -          -          -          -          -          -          -          -

And in the days ahead when the pain is still present but this new eye masks its presence to most, assure Brenda she is not alone. When folks just don’t get it, grant her the grace to gently remind them that journeys are rarely short and easy, but you sustain like no other. And when an honest rant is your gift to bring some healing, put in place the right listening ears to be a refuge for a few moments.  Lord you are indeed good.

-          -          -          -          -          -          -          -          -

This and anything else your servant needs we commit to you this morning, from you comes our help.

In the precious name of Jesus we pray.  Amen."

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Amen. Amen. Amen! ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

From the reverent to the ridiculous...

Doesn't everyone have their very own eye on a stick?

God bless Ruth Ann - she was with me as the
new eye joined the family.  I wasn't exactly...stable.

exhausted . frustrated . amazed . pained . exasperated . blessed

Everything looks brighter in the morning.

See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? 

I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland. (Isaiah 43:19)

Not so sure I was initially in the best place for Lent this year.

The discipline of Lent: self-examination and repentance, 
prayer and fasting, sacrificial giving and works of love.

Out of the depths, indeed.
-          -          -          -          -          -          -          -          -

Lent for who?  For everyone!
Small book study with good friends.

"There's NO business like CHURCH business..."
Church Talent Show, anyone?
Reverent...AND ridiculous!  We had FUN!

Me thinks my smile is beginning to return.

Sue Ann visiting RTG in France brought back some wonderful memories of singing in the upper chapel at Sainte-Chapelle in Paris with the UWEC Concert Choir.

So many MANY fruits of the Spirit.
Keeping up with RTG's online devotional, H2O Devos,
 was a joy and blessing during this particular season.

Ah, seasons.

There is a time for everything, and a season for every 

activity under the heavens.  (Ecclesiastes 3:1)

My dear hearts, Ruth Ann, Sue Ann, Stacie, Bruce, Andrea and Sarah all 
gathered at the Spronks home to bless the new eye.  Blessings!  All of them!

My cheerleaders, my prayer warriors, my faithful friends.   

How do you thank the angels that love and care for you?

Hmm..perhaps an angel is a good start!  Our mutual church friend, Delia, brings scrap pieces of metal to life, giving them personality and character. Delia crafted this one-eyed wonder to fly to the homes of my dear friends, as a celebration/thank you to all. 

Lent for Everyone strikes again...and Lynn Lacy is a most creative hostess!

Lent for whom?  That's right.  Everyone.  At my home this time.

Colorful sherbet in a bowl.  

Good people.  Great conversation.

RTG posted many amazing photos from his
sabbatical travels, but this particular picture just mesmerized me.   

Look at the wonder on the face of that child of God!

Taking some quiet time to study the Resurrection story
in each gospel at Rainbow Trail Lutheran Camp.

Lenten Retreat 2012:  A fire a St. Malo's and a water leak 

at Highlands Presbyterian brought us to RTLC this year.

Such coordinated pals, that Brenda and Sue Ann.

Remember that High Ropes Course that scared the heck out of
me a year ago? (read here)  Yeah.  Demolished by a wicked wind storm. 

My level of empathy greatly increased after hearing the Camp
Director Dave tell of how these losses affected him personally. 

God's creation.  I could sit and just ponder all day.

Pretty sure we shouldn't be looking at this side of the tree.
Root balls are SCARY.

Hiking time in the forest.
(Who knew an eye implant wouldn't do so well when 
hiking at a higher elevation?  Ah, the learning curves ahead.)

So much real laughter from that room.

My spirit needs more nights like that one.

A room full of Lutheran ladies.

Yeah for Art in the front row being a photographer!

Money Man strikes again.
See?  Choir dues CAN be fun!

GoodNESS.  Look at that little bean.

Finally feeling well enough for a kid climb - hiking up 
Castle Rock with Nicole and her daughters Emma and Madeline.

(Note to self:  climbing of any kind will make eye implant swell.  
Try not to do too much at one time, Brenda Lynn, ok?  Ok.)

Must. Stay. Hydrated.
Pink boots optional.

Remember Bill and Dar, our Minot, ND buddies? (read here)
We were reunited when they visited their daughter here in CO.

YEARS ago, my little Felicitas sang in my choir.
NOW, she's an intern in my classroom!  WOW!
What a blessing she was when I was on leave!

Holy Week at Bethany - reverencing the cross.

Saying goodbye to the 2011 pascal candle, and hello to
the new church year and the joy of Easter morning. 

A man and his meat:  celebrating Easter at the Cravens!

BBQ beauty!

There's my big bean.

And my little bean. 

You'll have to zoom in on this photo to see more details, but basically, it's the Wednesday evening congregation gathering in 'exile' out in the parking lot for worship.  Too cool.

What?  The new glass eye is actually too red?
What?  The new glass eye has a pupil that is coming apart?
What?  The whole thing will have to be re-made?

Sigh.

Yes, I'm thankful the implant/surgery part took.
Yes, I'm grateful that this is 'only' cosmetic.
Sigh.
That doesn't, however, make it any less fair that my face is still not complete.

. . . KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON . . .

Well, there you have it.  A message, direct from London.

My spirits continue to dive...but then soar.
How can they not with joy like this?

It's the small things.

Some of the younger, unwatched siblings of evening music students decided it would be fun to play with (break) our xylophones.  NOT a happy Ms. G.  Video-cameras are a lovely invention leading to irrefutable proof of who did what when.  Now, if only we could add Parenting Classes as a consequence, too.  Grr.

flutter. thwack. thud.

That's the kind of Spring this has been.

What?  You've canceled my appointment to fix the glass eye?
What?  I have to wait yet another month before you can fit me in?  GRR.

 No physical pain in the new eye implant - just a sad spirit
at another big ole disappointment and that this is
dragging out so much longer than I had hoped.

It's like leaping out of bed in the morning...only to forget you're
sleeping in the bottom bunk.  THWACK.  Down you go. 

Ok, little people like this certainly help.

Ok, she helps, too.

This wall helps, too.  I pinned all the kind words I've received over the last few months to the wall in my living room, and I've read them again and again.  Friends, family, people of Hope Reformed Church, co-workers, Regis folks, people of Bethany Lutheran Church, and the list goes on and on.

  So many people, so many thoughtful cards.

"Love and Peace Out" the angel flew to
another friend's home in late April. 

There's that Abbey girl.
Eater of Pancakes. Bringer of Joy. 

I was officially welcomed back into Girl Scouts!
One of the local Troops wanted to hear about
how music has influenced my life.  Where do I begin!?

me.horses.mountains.  Must repeat.

I think I promised Joni I wouldn't post this photo.

I HAD TO!

How else does one capture such an awesome picture?

Back to  Rainbow Trail for some sabbath time with kiddos!
Pretzel time with RTG!

Children are amazing.
She could write anything in the world down
on this pillowcase, and she chooses The Lord's Prayer.
Do check out this version of the "Are Father..." 

Singing and praising God.

Compiling all the photos from the weekend into a slideshow
for Sunday's gathering.  Edited 700+ photos down to 125 and a 4-minute song.

need.more.of.this

As if the fallen trees weren't sad enough, Rainbow Trail was also endangered by a wildfire.  This barren, fire-touched landscape was intimidating and holy at the same time.  The new growth of seedlings has already begun.  Hmm...there's a whole bunch of lessons in there.

Seriously.  Those root balls aren't any less scary two months later.

Some kid time so that the parents could find a little sabbath.

Oh yeah.  Singing with the little people.

SUPER MOON!  Couldn't have been in a better location
when this larger than life moon rose in the evening sky!

The SECOND I was back from Family Camp, I raced over to Flagstone to set up for our "American Pop Forever - 5 Decades of Rock'N'Roll" concert the next day.  Whew!


Money Man is now Poodle Skirt Wearing Money Woman!  Groovy!

Lots of great decorations sent from Sheboygan!
Thanks, Mom!  You saved me again!

Podcasts for each era. Lots of work, but hilarious when my
children realized Michael Jackson was indeed once a singing child! 

Emma's first elementary school concert!

John and Abbey came to sing and dance, too!

As did Sue Ann and Sarah.  Rock on!

I need to remember to be this chill. 

I'm learning the ukulele! I haven't had the joy of
discovery like this in a long, long time!  I need to upgrade
my uke...this one is about 2 steps above a toy!

One year later, Liam and Madigan's grave site now has a marker.
It stops me cold to think of how they were here one day and gone the next.
Lots of grieving and mourning and healing over the last year. 

The passing of time was also marked in my classroom - look at the twins I met in Kindergarten, now leaving me for middle school - two of the most thoughtful, kind children I've ever taught!

Look who is getting ready to walk!

  And what do we have here?

A glass eye.  With too much red.  And marks on the pupil.
Sigh.
It's being re-made this Wednesday (5/30).  Yes, re-made.

Pray I have the strength to go through this all over again.

Pray I have the courage to put on that stupid eye patch again.

Pray I remember to think of others with much more challenging plights.

In days of shadow and uncertainty we proclaim it.

Lord you are good.
-          -          -          -          -          -          -          -          -

When the road is bumpy and we trip and fall. 

When those around us have short-sighted commentary 

on the life we live as your beloved children, we still proclaim it.

Lord you are good.
-          -          -          -          -          -          -          -          -

When your will seems hidden but the days march on 

and we long to know your plan in detail, we proclaim in faith,

Lord you are good.
-          -          -          -          -          -          -          -          -

 

Points of Light

 

I just want it on the record that the test said I was NORMAL.

In print.  NORMAL.

Mind you, they were talking about my heartbeat from the pre-op EKG...
Still.  Normal.

 

Still sneaking in a little JOY, 

in spite of the chaos all around me.

 

ENORMOUS joy! 

 

 

 Pastor Ron departed for his 3-month sabbatical over in London this week. 

We blessed him and sent him on his way during the services on January 1.

 Catching some time in the sun before crossing the pond.

Service of Remembrance was especially hard this year - so many deaths and people to honor this year:  Blake, Buddy, Allison, Aunt Pat, Liam, Madigan, Roseann, DJ, Norman, Tom.

 

Good morning, God!

 Even the Castle Rock star wanted to see what it was like 

to live with one eye this week.  The lights split right in half! 

 Sarah took these pics over at Bethany the other evening - WOW!

 My new favorite photo of our church!

 How could one properly celebrate Epiphany with the
Pastor's wife without eating Epiphany star brownies!?   
A light-filled, joyful evening with Sue Ann and Sarah.  And brownies.

 

My first 1,000 piece puzzle.  That's about 900 pieces too many....

We made incredible progress in one night.

It actually LOOKS like the USA!

 

Do you see what I see?

 

Looking for loose coins and found some Faith, Hope and Love in my car.

Works for me.

 

See the large circle on the roof below?

That would be the plant I chucked over my deck.

I'm rather amused it stares up at me.

 

What can I say?  Even the Bison from South Dakota 

wanted to see the Baby Jesus in the manger!

 

I was setting up a separate blog, and testing the comment feature.

Slow down?  That's foreign text to me!

 

January 8 - Baptism of Our Lord Sunday. Walk wet!

 

Wrapped in love from the Lutheran Ladies.

A prayer shawl from a parent at school - how sweet is that?

(And it looks like a heart, so double plus.)

 

 Easy, indeed!  People are coming with meals for the next two weeks!  WOW!

I think my kiddo's shirt says it best. 

 Dot received this angel from a nurse before HER surgery,

and passed along the little singing guardian for mine.

We'll call this photo Brenda's Face Before.  

I think I look pretty calm for facing a major change in my life tomorrow.  

Working on this...

 Peace out.

One Moment in Time

enucleate:  to surgically remove the eyeball 

intact from its surrounding capsule

Well, there you have it.  And at 11:30am on January 10, 2012, that's what's going to be happening here in Denver.  My doctor is going to remove my painful, already blind right eyeball from its surrounding capsule.  What we thought was a cyst last month turned out to be the little eye collapsing on itself (you can read more about what happened HERE). 

If you think THAT sounds strange, wait until you hear what actually happens during the surgery! Here are some screen shots from a cheesy (yet really short and informative) video.

 

There's the eye, still in the socket.

(My actual blind eye isn't this pretty or this big.)

 First, they detach all six eye muscles from the eye.

 

Normally, the optic nerve would be sliced next. 

I never had an optic nerve in my right eye, 

thus the reason I've been blind in that eye since birth.

Meaning, during my surgery, we can skip this creepy step.

I could have gone my entire life without seeing scissors that close to an eye.

 

The eye will then be removed.

(This just gets better and better, does it!? Ugh.)

Technically, I've realized that this will be the 

one moment in time  

where I truly will have just one eye.  

 

Time for the new implant:  it is made out of a 

coral-like material, much like a porous ping-pong ball.  

 

Here's a close-up.  Crazy, right?   

 

I'm absolutely transfixed by its surface and texture!  

My own personal moon.

Oh, but wait!  The

You Have Got To Be Kidding Me

part is still coming!

(skip the next part if you don't like graphic details)

 Once the white, coral implant is in place, they will cut a small incision on the top of my head (apparently, I have a "great scalp" just right for this kind of surgery), lift up my hair, and grab a really thin slice of tissue from under my scalp.  It will become the cover on top of the orbital implant - the surface of my new eye.  Because it is already a part of my head, it has the highest chance of not being rejected.  

Then, the eye muscles will be re-attached to the implant.  Eventually, the blood vessels will weave themselves through this implant, accepting this foreign object as a part of my body. 

Um....yeah.    WILD!
Freaky and fascinating, all at the same time.

No, the skin won't have hair.  Yes, it will be paper thin.
No, I have no idea what the cut/scar will look like.
(and quite frankly, I don't really care, as long as it just does its job)

 

The sutures will need to heal and the swelling in my eye socket will need to decrease before I am fitted with a new glass eye.  Basically, all the bumps need to smooth out.  This is a one-time deal (the implant is supposed to last me a lifetime), so I want to ensure it has enough time to properly heal.  I'm excited to FEEL what the centering and re-attachment of the muscles will be like - my blind little eye has been working so hard for 32 years!

Everything needs time to adjust to their new places inside my eye.  SIX weeks of adjustment time, actually.   A conformer will be put in place to keep the shape of the socket and eyelids.  It's un-detailed and transparent in color, so I'll be sporting an eye patch for the entire 6 week period.  Let the pirate jokes commence. 

The Not So Good News:  the beautiful glass eye I currently wear will become completely obsolete the moment this surgery begins.  Ugh.  This part just makes me terribly sad - it's not even 2 years old and I just love it.  It's a part of me.  (See how it was made HERE.)  But, it will no longer fit the space inside my eye, and it can't be trimmed to fit the socket.  Very sad.  :(  It's a double loss for me:  the loss of an eye that, even though it didn't work as it was supposed to, was still a part of my body and then the loss of the one-of-a-kind shell that matched.  Ugh.

The Good News:  the glass-eye making process has miraculously been trimmed down to a less than a 24 hour period!  This means that on Monday, February 20, 2012, I'll walk into my ocularist with an eye patch, and walk out that evening with my new glass eye in place!  Good news indeed!  You'll hear me singing from the hills that night!

SO!  With the surgery a week away, it's looking
like 2012 is already shaping up to be a remarkable year!  

Everyone keeps asking me what I need.  

It's very kind...but I don't really have an answer.
  

I need my kids right now, that's for sure.

I need to be singing around a piano with children who will distract and focus me for the next week with their joy and their delight for life. I know being with the children will help me heal exponentially faster, too.  I hope to be back within a week of the surgery - yes, yes, I'll take it one day at a time.  I need the kids to know things like this happen in life, though, and you don't need to hibernate and that's there more to life than being focused on your appearance.  Day by day.  

I need to remember to be full of grace.

People are trying to say the right things (and sometimes missing the mark terribly) and people are trying to do the right thing (and some are only making things worse).  I need to remember that this is a rather unique situation for everyone and no one really knows what to say or do, myself included.  I need to remember people's intent is to comfort and be thankful they are reaching out at all.

I am surrounded by an incredible support team of friends and family.

Lovingly overwhelmed, really.

Rumor has it there are meals being planned by school folks.

My sub plans are almost done for the children I'll dearly miss.

So basically...I need...to be patient.

And let the doctors do their job.

And remember to be calm and pray.

And ask for help when I need it.

And be amazed and grateful that there are people gifted with
the abilities to both remove and replace an eye.  Thanks be to God!