Monday, May 31, 2010

Please Don't Eat Me

I can't even believe these two THINGS are getting space on the blog, but alas, I must chronicle the good and the bad.  The very bad.  The very VERY bad.  Here goes.

Yes, the above is exactly what it looks like.  I may give him photo space, but I ain't typin' his name.  UGH.  All I needed on Friday was a nice, calm walk with a friend.  It had been a terribly long and trying day, and a nice walk sounded wonderful.  Sunshine, baby stroller, and then THIS.  UGH again.  

This was the second, yes SECOND, sn*** of the day.  The first was at school.  What kind of sn*** comes to a school!?  I'll tell you what kind - a creepy kind.  Eeew.  And that was AFTER the spider decided to visit our school, too, and took a field trip down my shirt, but I digress...

Mind you, I reacted in a completely calm and respectable fashion.  NOT.  I stood there shrieking on the sidewalk.  The toddler and my friend remained calm, I just shrieked.   My toes curled up.  My fingers clenched.  And I shrieked.  Loud and long enough for my voice to hurt.  Very helpful.

SECOND creature of the week that tried to ruin my day - this huge thing.  I had parked along the side of my school ( again...perhaps there is a pattern developing...) ANYWAY, I had just parked my car and was about to exit when this BEAST starts ferociously barking on the other side of my car window.  Oh. My. Goodness.  Should have just died of fright right there in the driver's seat.  

I did the only LOGICAL thing I could do in this kind of situation:  took a photo of the beast and texted a friend to come rescue me ASAP (and she would have)!  As I debated how to get myself out of this one, he just CIRCLED my car, like a big dog-headed vulture.  This thing was bigger than my Hyundai.  No, REALLY.  Cracked the window and tried to shoo him.  Yeah, that worked.  

He eventually wandered off, as if terrorizing me was his only point, and now he had better things to do.  I grabbed everything I could hold in one arm, and literally made a run for it, chanting "Please don't eat me!  Please don't eat me!" the entire way.  I'm hoping the neighbors (the ones who did NOT come help when this frothing beast was licking his chops) weren't watching this entire scene, chuckling at the terrified blonde running from her car.  

Not once while the dog was barking did it occur to me that I could have simply DRIVEN AWAY

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