One Assembly that Really BLEW

Good grief. I'm not sure I can even capture the true sense of this assembly in a blog. It was kind of that train wreck that people have to either witness or live through to truly appreciate. Regardless, here goes: what was supposed to be a sweet, musical visit from an 80-year old friend of mine turned into a circus, sideshow act. Elaine, my friend and Mother Abbess from "The Sound of Music" had offered to come to my school to demonstrate her supreme whistling talents for my kiddos. She's the national whistling champion, and is really fun to listen to. Little did I know she would be bringing her grown daughter, Claudia, along with her. Yes, they usually whistle together, but I had only spoken with Elaine.

Well, the assembly began with 150 of my 1st and 2nd graders (and my friends/colleagues) piling into the gym to listen. Claudia, who shall from this point on be known as The Hulk, went gung-ho into the assembly, telling me that she'd 'whistle to get them to be quiet.' She had no use for our lovely quiet signal. This was going to be good.

I'm not sure what my favorite part of the assembly was...

• Choice #1: When The Hulk would GRAB the microphone away from her happily, singing mother, and hold it to her own face, inserting whatever SHE wanted to say RIGHT THEN
  
• Choice #2: When The Hulk would THROW CANDY at the heads of my children when they answered a question correctly. Lovely.
  
• Choice #3: when The Hulk would run into the audience, thrusting the mike into the faces of my friends, trying her best to force them to whistle
• Choice#4: when The Hulk began to mock me for not allowing any more candy
• Choice #5: when my principal walked into the assembly, sat down, and became The Hulk's next microphone victim. This might have been the highlight...
  

I was told that I didn't look RED at this assembly...I looked PURPLE. I didn't know what was going to happen next, and it was completely out of my control. I'd put my hand up, she'd tell the kids to put their hands down. I'd stand to the side, she'd tell me to get up front. I was happy that I could provide my friends with a more than sufficient laughing session, as I watched tears roll down their cheeks as they sat there, waiting for the next event. Like I said, train wreck, and we had front row seats.

The really sad part is that these two really ARE talented whistlers. There was a little bit of musicality being taught to my kiddos (how to blow, how to make 2 tones, etc.) It was just overshadowed by The Hulk's behavior.

Go figure: they have made it onto "America's Got Talent", the TV show with David Hasselhoff, Sharon Osbourne, and Piers Morgan. Apparently, Piers and The Hulk even got into it on national television. I'm so glad we could share our pain with the rest of the world. Stay tuned - Tuesday nights - "Climb Every Mountain" is the song they'll whistle. I have no doubt that The Hulk will provide yet another, memorable performance. Who knows...maybe she'll even throw some candy.