Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Inferiority Complex

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Wednesday, January 14, 2009

No one can make you feel inferior
without your consent.

Eleanor Roosevelt (1884 - 1962)
First Lady, Civil Rights advocate, author, speaker, politician, activist

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I am feeling excruciatingly inferior right now. I woke up from a rottenly vivid dream, where I was completely unprepared for a college choir concert. It involved all of the real characters from my real college, the University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire.

(I have a feeling this dream was brought upon by my re-connection with lots of these folks via Facebook - this may be my punishment for spending too much time on that site! If these nightmares continue, I may have to cut off contact with each and every person!)

The stage was 10 times the size of what it should have been. The lighting was obnoxiously bright. There were props on stage that rival the giant tree in the Nutcracker. And people - there must have been a thousand choir members, and THEY knew exactly what to sing, and where to go, and what costumes to wear. I still have a furrowed brow just thinking of how completely unprepared I felt.

I left my piano binder behind the stage, which I've mentioned, was larger than usual. I was hunting for it in the dark, not knowing what to do, where it was, where to go - can you sense the total inferiority right now!? Ugh. I want to go back to bed, and restart the day. By the time I had found it, there was someone else on the bench, playing instead of me. Agh! Is this a sign that I'm afraid to be replaced in my real, day-to-day life!? I hadn't thought so, but I can't tell you how disconcerted I am feeling this morning.

I need to re-start my day, get back on track, and just let this dream go in the category of "Crazy Busy Life + Overactive Imagination + 1/2 of an Ambien Sleeping Pill" category of weirdness, and take Eleanor Roosevelt's word to heart: I am not inferior. I am not inferior. I am NOT inferior!

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